Was it dream?

I don’t really want that to happen… But in my dream, it is not in line with my reality thinking! Anything can be happen in a dream.

Or… Only dream does show the real of my own? Does dream reflects and shows out all the things which I run away in the real life? But may be the things I am running away are actually what I want from the deep of my heart…? I don’t know…

I went to KL with Fish and met with him again…

I was in a car and I was sitting at the driver seat of his car. He was sitting behind of my driver seat, Fish was sitting on his left hand side, big Fish and Ling was sitting next to Fish. And the one who sat at the front seat was Kei. I was very excited! I am in my favourite long sleeve’s peach colour shirt and short pant! I My hair was half tied and little front hair was clip up. We are going to have fun in karaoke! I am the one who should be driving that time but he changed the car control to his seat since I didn’t seem to give him back the driver seat! I think I was too agitate until I forgot the one who are not going to drive should not possess the driver seat! Hehe… And he also didn’t ask me to sit at the back seat. That car was special because the steering can be control by whether people at the driver seat or the one behind the driver seat! It was feeling good when sitting on the driver seat but needs not to drive! He drove to my house 1^st. Fish and I was wondering why… then he told me to bring along my jacket so that I won’t be getting cold in the k-room later. My heart was sweet and the others were smiling (laughing in their hearts) to me! But I don’t mind about that since he is so scrupulosity to me! Then we went to his house and I was amazed by the phenomenon outside his house! There was a mountain beside his house and that mountain was full of Indian! They seem doing their prayer on that mountain. Oh! It was Deepavali and all the Indian were doing their prayer on the ‘黑风洞’! Then only I know that the ‘黑风洞’ which I have been amazed of and thinking to have a visit on it for a long time just situated near to his house! I suggested that we climb to the top of the mountain together and they also agreed with that! On the way to karaoke, we have a joke on Ling but she don’t know about that! Haha… The spectacle she wore was very funny! It was in a round shape! We whispered that from one to another except her! Then we laughed together!

On the other day…..

We reached at the foot of the mountain. From the back he put his chin on my shoulder and told me something. He had whispered something to my ear but I forgot what it was! I only knew it was a sweet thing! My heart beats very fast that time! It seems something burnt on my cheeks!

After got down from the car, we started off our journey to the top of the mountain! When we were walking up the stairs, he suddenly lifted me up from behind using his hands under my oxter! He gave me a shocked! I couldn’t believe that he could hold me up since I am very heavy! I don’t know why he did that! Was he trying to surprise me? He really does…

We finally reached on the top. The distance was not as far as I thought…

We were happy because we had made it!

I merely heard some sounds of my parents. I opened my eyes…

EXAM....!!!

14^th Oct 08 , 12.44am

I am going to be awarded dean’s certificate at 10am later. But the excited feeling has not been the same as last time when I have received the certificate also.

The main reason is I am worrying about the final exam which is approaching SOON! Really very soooonnnn!! I am feeling stress right now. This feeling is uneasy and uncomfortable! I should have started to do revision but nothing that I have done!

I always do revision at the last minute! I knew it is a bad habit but I can’t take this habit off!! Haih…..

Of course I hope that I can receive dean certificate on every semester but I think this dream can’t be true now! There are a few subjects which I feel very tough on this semester so I don’t have confident to pass with pointer above 3.5 ( minimum requirement to be dean’s listed ).

May Guan Yin bless me!! ^.^

Down...down...

8^th Oct 08

My mood is actually fine and normal today. But when I online and accidentally saw his photo in someone’s friendster profile, my mood turn 180 ̊. My heart beat very fast and my mind blank for a moment. I hate this!! I hate that he still gives a huge influence on me when I get connected with something related with him!! When I saw the type of car he used to fetch me, when I heard the song he sent to me, when I saw his name in my contact number or I saw names which are similar with his name……All these phenomenon will also make him appears clearly on my mind! But my feeling for him now is more to the negative site—I hate him!! This is because he never did what he had promised me. The promise I mean is not just one or two things but all the words he had told me in the last two years!! He did not mean his words at all!! I have decided not to contact with him anymore!! I will ignore his call or message!! I hope I can do this and will not bluff by him anymore. My heart can no longer bear this deep hurt… Each time I thought there was a hope he just sabotage it! He broke my heart with massive efforts into pieces until I could not even find all the very little pieces to form my heart again each time he hurt me. So there is a growing hole in my heart…! It’s enough..! I can’t let him makes me distraught anymore! I want to stand up again and wait for someone to fill up the hole of my heart!

"Opening" of my feeling

4^th October 2008

It is 4pm, two hours left for me to stay at home. Ops it’s actually one hour! This is because it takes me 45 minutes to go to the bus stop from my home. The bus I am going to take back to UUM is on 6pm. I just finished packing my bag. I should be using this one hour to take a nap but I couldn’t fall asleep. What had happened on this 10 days holiday going through my head and I don’t know how to describe my feeling now. I don’t feel want to back to school because it is a boring life there. And also I am going to miss my bed at home so much, miss the comfortable feeling of my home, miss the time going out with my hometown friends, and MISSSSSS the delicious foods cooked by my mom which I will never find it anywhere other than my home!!

I just had my hair cut on the second day I back to home. It has been a long time I never had my hair cut this short. It is a fresh looks for me! Some of my friends said this short hair suitable for me. Luckily I got good response! ^.^ People always say a fresh new look would means a brand new start for a person. I hope so!!

We have organized an old classmates gathering yesterday. There were 12 friends attended to the gathering. I was feeling great when met with some old buddy who did not see for a long time! Many of them have changed appearance compared to the school day’s looks. And of course all of them become more and more charming! One surprise things in the gathering was Yee Hieng had her new hair cut!! This was a good try for her because her hair style had been maintains the same since years ago. Hope that she won’t mind! Hehe… But she really looks nicer than before. Seit Yoke stays cute and funny as last time. She was the “kai xin guo” of our group! Mun Yee and Wai Wai become slimmer and slimmer than before. Don’t know how they did that. I am sure will ask for the secret recipe from them next time! Hehe… While Lu Ying, Kar Poh and Yee Leng become more mature and already have “nui yan mei”! I believe many guys sure get attracted to them. Sze Teng looks as cool as before but her attitude become more friendly and nice! Phooi Yee is becoming more pretty now. I think I don’t need to comment on Ah Foong and Mun Ding because I often see them! :p

We took a lot of photograph using Sze Teng’s high tech digital camera. I will keep those photos properly as a good memory.

Friends, I hope we can still maintain this good friendship until we are 80 years old or even 100 years old!!

Take good care of yourselves and I hope we can share this sweet memory together that time. J